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Coping with Weight Stigma

“Oh, you look great! You must have lost weight.” 

“They really let themselves go, I wonder what happened…”

“Wow, you bounced back quickly after that baby! Good for you.” 

What they really just said was: “I notice your body changes. I’ve noticed it before, I am noticing it now, and I will notice it in the future. Additionally, I am making judgments about you based on how your body changes.” 

Let’s pause. 

When learning to build body acceptance, one of the challenges is coping with others’ judgments. Let’s face it, some people will and do, whether or not they mean it as a compliment. In my experience, the people who are the most opinionated about other people’s bodies are the ones who are most preoccupied with their own. Because diet culture hasn’t caught up to the fact that people can be healthy in a fat body, judgements are so commonly a game of confirmation bias—we have a tendency of looking for things in our environment that confirm the beliefs we already hold about the world.

Many of my clients want to work on improving their body image and are so afraid of judgment from other people because it amplifies the voice within themselves. So let’s get curious. What’s really happening when you’re noticing someone else’s body? Are you actually comparing them to your own? If you think to yourself, “Well at least I’m not like them,” is that an effort to make yourself feel better? Or, on the contrary, if you think, “I wonder what their workout regime is, maybe I should do that too.” Are you seeking direction in your own “self-improvement”? 

When you observe closely, you’ll notice that all of your judgments of other people have a funny way of coming right back around to your own insecurities. When I say this, I don’t mean it in a negative way. I mean to point out that this is a protective mechanism. We’ve been taught time and time again that we must be hypervigilant of our bodies, we should reduce them, change them over and over again. We can never be satisfied and should expect the same of others. 

When you’re afraid of the judgments that others have of your body, remember that it’s okay to feel hurt and sad if someone says something inappropriate. You’re allowed to have those feelings. Also remember, that their comment is a reflection of the self-judgment and emotional turmoil happening within that person. Coping with weight stigma from others involves feeling your pain without internalizing these comments about you as a person. Instead, take the time to understand that these comments might mean something about who that person is and what struggles they hold in their heart too. Hold compassion for the fact that sometimes the only way people know how to cope with their own insecurities is by diverting the attention away from themselves or making themselves feel superior. 

We’re all still learning how to navigate the pain that diet culture has inflicted on us as a society. That doesn’t excuse hurting others, but it does give us insight into what it means to heal in a world that hasn’t fully caught up yet. 

Leah Hovel hosts a biweekly Body Acceptance support group with in person and virtual options. Reach out to us if you are interested in being a part of this empowering community. 

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